Walking In The Darkness

i'm walking down the stree, and the Darkness hisses at me, things i don't understand but do. the Darkness sounds disappointed in me, and there's nothing i can do to fix it. i see a line of tar on the road where they patched a crack, and the tar is made shiny from the light of the lamppost. is it tar? or is it mystery substance, used for patching cracks? i don't know. but i spread my arms out and walk along the TAR like a tightrope walker, and i suddenly want to cry. as quickly as the feeling came, it left. it's like a sneeze. you look at the light a certain way and you almost sneeze. but you move your head even a little, and the urge to sneeze is gone. is that how it is, really? i walk, and something triggers, i feel the tears behind my eyes. but i keep walking and i feel fine. no, not fine. but i don't feel like sitting down with my arms crossed over my knees, which are pulled up tightly against me, and sobbing, laying my head on my arms, and letting the tears falls like they did wednesday at pittsburgh. and even then, it wasn't enough.
as i'm walking through the shadows, i'm trying not to look up at the sky. i know if i do...it's too big, and i feel helpless in the dark as it is...no, i lied. i don't feel helpless. i feel scared. but i also feel like i belong better in the dark than the light. but looking up at the sky at night makes me feel so damned SMALL, so utterly USELESSLY hopeless... so i look down at the road again. by this time, it's time to cross the street to go to my house. and i have to walk on the sidewalk now.